Tag Archives: elder

Can a person change?

Now can a Person change themselves?  Is there hope for anyone?
 
Some people say that recognition of the problems, obstacles is basically 90 percent of the solution, and I really do also wish that next was true..
 
Now we all seem to meet all type  of persons in real life, the control freaks, verbal and human right abusers, Bullies, enslavers, liars, cheaters, imposters, pretenders, con artists too.  And we often simply do wonder why they do not change..
 
Here also is what I know for sure, the older the person is the more extreme, more severe, the more difficult the punishment has  to be on them to cause them to personally to change in their own  negative ways, for they are too set in them now too.   
   
Beware though — still today most bad persons resist changing, and do  employ false denial techniques of their wrongs, deny wrongfully their own need to change and next even build even more walls between them and others. You can see this bad approach used by  alcoholics now as well most of the time..
  
Being nice. kind, friendly  to a really bad person  is still also a complete waste of time, for they will not change their negative behaviors on their own, they see   no reasons to do so now still too. Sad but true. We cannot never control a bad person, a drug addict or an alcoholic, but we can learn all about it and learn firstly to control our own behavior, appropriate responses –including how we should behave in the relationship with the  sick and suffering and /or possibly manipulative addict or alcoholic, abuser.. 

 
In fact it is next impossible for anyone to try to to change others. I have seen many marriage fail cause the wife was naïve to believe she could change her husband instead of accepting him for who, what he was at the time of marriage. After all it is easier to change oneself than others too but wrongfully most people try to change others and not themselves. If it was supposedly easy to change anyone then we would not need prisons for the too often now habitually criminals in reality.
 
In reality also now whether you are talking now about a parent, a relative,  a spouse, criminals, alcoholics, drug addicts to what ever no one basically can be helped firstly who refused to admit they need help, and next also refuses thus next any help to change now as well.
 
And in truth the only people I have ever seen who manifested any  lasting, real changes were these people changed by God, who had next became born again, and to be fully truthful here too next half of them even got worse again next, a dog who returned to their vomit, they denied next the DENIED THE SAME FAITH THEY BELIEVED IN TOO.
 
The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous rightfully says that only God can next heal, relieve the sin, the illness of addiction. It requires the addictive person to first confess they have sinned and next ask for God’s forgiveness, help. 
 
Too many a persons also do falsely deny who they really are, hiding behind prestigious or pretentious facade that they are unknown, cannot be discerned, read, known cause they are too complex.. you can fool some of the people some of the time, most of the people most of the time but not all of the people all of the time..
 
Jesus himself said a person can be known simply by what they do. good people do good things.. and bad people tend to do bad things. 
 
(Mat 7:18 KJV)  A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.
 
(Mat 7:19 KJV)  Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.
 
(Mat 7:20 KJV)  Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.
 
(Mat 7:21 KJV)  Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.
 
(Mat 7:22 KJV)  Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
 
(Mat 7:23 KJV)  And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
 
(Mat 7:24 KJV)  Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock:
 
(Mat 7:25 KJV)  And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.
 
(Mat 7:26 KJV)  And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand:
 
(Mat 7:27 KJV)  And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.  
 
 
Helping others to change for the good is even more difficult today as well
              
  
Reality- Today many Children are also being falsely led to  believe that Gambling, Alcohol and Bad drug use is generally  safe. The average 18 year old has seen 100,000 television commercials encouraging him or her to drink. That’s why 80% of high school seniors have tried alcohol, 32% have gotten drunk in the last thirty days, 43% smoke marijuana, and about one third are smoking cigarettes. Most addicts die of their addiction and they take their family members down with them. The first step in any help program recovery is to get honest with yourself. Get honest even as to what the other person is really like.. Do not let them take you down the drain with them next too.. Control what you watch, read, hear and what your children watch, put the computer also in the family room where you can supervise it, see what they are doing with it. 
We all also must take any personal addiction seriously especially amongst teens, and the adults now too,  because 25% of North Americans die as a result of substance abuse. The average alcoholic dies twenty-six years earlier than he or she would otherwise. Drug users, alcoholics, cheaters, abusers, adulterers affect negatively continually too the lives of at least six others
 
Establish Boundaries, Set Limits, Set detachment.  One example of setting a boundary is telling a close friend, a loved one  that you prefer they not be around you if they are smoking,  drunk or high. Notice that it is specific demand, and you have to sit down and communicate this type of request explicitly with that someone. Setting a boundary like this is difficult because there is this tendency to hurt other’s feelings. But that is part of what is keeping you ineffective– your caring more about this person’s feelings than your own personal well being. Setting boundaries is about putting your own personal well being and even that of others first, and letting that be a guiding example of how to live. You know you are setting effective boundaries when you are taking back control of your own life firstly and starting to regain your own sanity–instead of being all wrapped up in the problems of a struggling smoker, rebel, drug addict or alcoholic. 
 
The fastest way for anyone to change is by prayers, them also praying, even by the prayers of others, reading the Bible as well.. valid support groups also still can either be pretentious, fake, wolves in sheep clothing,   or helpful?  Beware always of men and women, bullies, tormentors, control freaks,  persons, civil and public servants,  politicians, pastors, leaders, elders, who falsely do, will try to enslave you, oppress you, exploit you even while they claim they are proclaiming the truth, democracy, trying to help you, etc.,    Is 51:23 ..your tormentors {and} oppressors, those who said to you, Bow down, that we may ride {or} tread over you; and you have made your back like the ground and like the street for them to pass over.   

“Here are some things that you can do in order to practice detachment with the struggling pervert in your life:
-Don’t do things that they should be doing themselves.
-Don’t bend over backwards to rescue them or save them from natural consequences.
-Don’t cover up for their mistakes or embarrassing situations.
-Don’t rescue them from crisis or financial situations.
-Don’t try to fix them.
-Let go of any guilt you may have about them.
   
Detachment is not about denying your emotions. If someone close to you dies, for example, you will probably feel sad. You can’t choose this feeling. It simply is. But we do have the power to affect the intensity of this feeling, by focusing on the positive aspects of the situation. We can also change our thinking in an attempt to eradicate irrational beliefs that might be contributing to our emotional turmoil.

The goal is not to go without emotions, the goal is to achieve some level of emotional stability. We are detaching from the negative, irrational thoughts that stir up our emotions–like the guilt we might have if we think someone’s perversity, addiction is our fault.
Detachment is difficult and takes practice.” 
 
Summary: How to help a teenager that does not listen or how to make a bad person change to a good person.. are some of the very common search questions for this topic now too.. the critical word being change.. you can set clear boundaries, detachments, and  give wise verbal instruction to a wise person, or some kind of a reward incentive, but still he may or may not next listen to it and follow it.. a foolish person  certainly will not listen to good advice for a start, may need to hopefully learn the hard way with a rod of life’s correction LIKE THE PRODIGAL SON NEXT DID .. for  you cannot hope to change anyone still by yourself without God’s help, input in reality. Humble Prayer is the starting method in getting God’s help.
 
(Jer 14:7 KJV)  O LORD, though our iniquities testify against us, do thou it for thy name’s sake: for our backslidings are many; we have sinned against thee.
 
(Jer 2:19 KJV)  Thine own wickedness shall correct thee, and thy backslidings shall reprove thee: know therefore and see that it is an evil thing and bitter, that thou hast forsaken the LORD thy God, and that my fear is not in thee, saith the Lord GOD of hosts.
 
(Jer 3:22 KJV)  Return, ye backsliding children, and I will heal your backslidings. Behold, we come unto thee; for thou art the LORD our God.
 
(Jer 5:6 KJV)  Wherefore a lion out of the forest shall slay them, and a wolf of the evenings shall spoil them, a leopard shall watch over their cities: every one that goeth out thence shall be torn in pieces: because their transgressions are many, and their backslidings are increased.
 

It also now seems that unresolved problems tend to make us seek God. How to draw closer to God. You have wanted God to speak to you for a long time. You have wanted to talk to God and get answers back. This  is an opportunity for you to have a dialogue with God. God too wants to communicate with you. You might have been in church, a crusade, in your room, or outside under the stars. You felt God’s call, but you didn’t know exactly what God wanted you to do. You knew you were going to do something special, but you didn’t know what it was. Now you can also find out God’s plan for you, and others too and the literature is all free too.   It teaches you how to hear God’s voice.  God will teach you many things you need to know.  Valid spiritual tools to help you make conscious contact with God: Praise, Prayer, Humbleness, Obedience, the Bible. Get yourself ready where God speaks to you  Do see http://pbulow.tripod.com/wait.html   and http://pbulow.tripod.com/voice.html   
 
Do see also
http://pbulow.tripod.com/
http://thenonconformer.wordpress.com/2008/07/21/hidden-agendas/  
http://postedat.wordpress.com/2008/07/21/the-pretender-imposter-wolf-in-sheep-clothing/  
http://postedat.wordpress.com/2008/07/07/control-freaks/  
http://www.socyberty.com/Advice/Are-You-a-Control-Freak.101788  
http://postedat.wordpress.com/2008/07/24/wrongful-accusations/   
https://thefocusonthefamily.wordpress.com/2008/07/03/verbal-abuse-is-always-unacceptable-too/

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Verbal abuse is always unacceptable too. So are the Bullies now too.

Verbal abuse is always unacceptable too. So are the Bullies now    Even for Christians! verbal abuse by pastorS NOW ESPECIALLY TOO.

“This is from the book by Patricia Evans http://andthenshecried.wordpress.com/2008/02/05/the-verbally-abusive-relationship-how-to-recognize-it-and-how-to-respond

Verbal abuse is a kind of battering which doesn’t leave evidence like physical abuse does. However, it can be just as painful, and recovery can take much longer. The victim of abuse lives in a gradually more confusing realm. In public she is with one man, in private he becomes another. Often, for the verbally abused woman (man), there is no witness to her reality and no one to understand her experiences. Friends and family continue to see her ex, the abuser, as a really good guy and, certainly, he agrees with them. The verbal abuser, while maintaining his charm with others, always takes his abuse behind closed doors. It is a means of holding power over his wife( husband) /partner.. Many women and some men leave a marriage and come back into the singles’ world with the diminished self-esteem that comes from a verbally abusive relationship. The fact that many of these women (men) have never even realized that they were being abused, makes it easy for them to enter another abusive relationship. A verbal abuser is an insecure person and immature person who is looking for power and control over another.In order to help you recognize abuse, remember that all forms of verbal abuse are methods of manipulating you for the purpose of establishing power over you. The following are some of the forms of verbal abuse the author helps you recognize.

  1. Withholding: a purposeful, silent treatment.
  2. Countering: a countering of your ideas, feelings, and perceptions, even going so far as to refute what he misconstrues you to have said.
  3. Discounting–a putdown of you or something you hold dear.
  4. Blocking and diverting–this is a sneaky, covert way of violating your dignity.
  5. Accusation and blame: generally involves lies about the partner’s intentions, attitudes, and motives. The author states that accusation and blame is present in all verbally abusive relationships.
  6. Judging and criticizing: lies about your personal qualities and performance.
  7. Trivializing and undermining: abusive behavior which makes light of your work, your efforts, your interests, or your concerns. The abuser attempts to dilute meaning and value in your life. Undermining might occur when your partner laughs at you, for example, when you burn yourself cooking. It is also jokes at your expense. Undermining is occurring when you feel a “so-called joke” is mean rather than funny.
  8. Name calling: no one has a right to call you degrading names. Name calling is verbal abuse.
  9. Ordering: Telling you to do something, rather than asking, or making decisions for you or for the two of you without your input.
  10. Forgetting and denial: the trickiest form of denial is forgetting. Become aware that forgetting is a form of denial that shifts all responsibility from the abuser to some “weakness of mind.”
  11. Abusive anger: this seems to be closely linked to the need to “blow up,” to dominate, to control, to go one up, and to put down. Any time you are snapped at or yelled at, you are being abused.
  12. Threatening: Physical threats and sexual threats aside, verbal threats are an effort at manipulation. For example, a threat to leave, stay out all night, or take you home immediately is a manipulation for power. The threat of “pending disaster” is designed to shatter the partner’s serenity as well as her boundaries.
  13. If you counter the abuser or attempt to explain yourself, you will probably be met with such statements as, “I don’t want to hear it, get out of my face” or “Woman you don’t have the brains“, “BYou shouldn’t have said that to me“.

    f you are in a brand-new relationship and see warning signs of verbal abuse, the author suggests you might be wise to let the relationship go. It is not likely that a man (woman) who needs to dominate and control will change easily, if at all. It is also likely that when the newness of the relationship wears off, he will become more abusive. Verbal abuse can become physical in time and physical abuse is always preceded by verbal abuse, according to Evans.If you are in a long-term relationship, you can respond to the abuser as the book suggests and soon discover for yourself whether or not your mate is willing to change and stop his abusive behavior.

    “If you have been verbally abused in your relationship, you may have discovered that explaining and trying to understand have not improved your relationship. Therefore, I recommend that you respond in a new way–a way that will make an emotional, psychological, and intellectual impact upon your mate.”

    The abuser in your relationship may change when he finds that you do know when you are being abused, that you have set limits, that you mean what you say, and that you will not take behavior you don’t like. 

    If the man ( or sadly too often now a women) in your relationship remains abusive, it is not only not your fault,” but it is  your responsibility to deal with it, make it public, call the police too.

    Any person cannot still fight with you of you leave his or her presences, even forever.. and there is still a good life after a failed marriage now too. I practise what I preach and often now too.

     SEE ALSO https://thefocusonthefamily.wordpress.com/2008/07/17/the-too-common-abusive-silent-treatment/

    Hey if you read my many non conforming posts you will note that I definitely, and loudly, rightfully still  do not conform to the false or immoral demands of others..
     
    I was really now fortunate I had great teachers here in Canada, in my public school, in high School and in University in Montreal Quebec, and all of them now   had treated me as a real person, respected me, and allowed me to speak. and to be heard as well.
      
    Not one of them no one told me what I can talk about write about or what I cannot as well. At work as a Professional Engineer, or as a Professional Realtor with Re/Max I was allowed continually as a responsible, a mature adult to make my own decisions,  and top also carry out my responsibilities in the manner   I chose to do them as well.
     
    So I have to admit it came to me as a shock firstly when I started to attend evangelical, Baptist Pentecostal churches in Canada now as an adult that that same right  to be respect, top speak, and to be heard, not to be bullied, falsely oppressed. Legal and Human rights that  I had before, often now did not exist in the churches surprisingly now of all places. Never saw so many control freaks, human rights abusers  in my whole life next to the too often bad cops now too.  And perversely many a despotic, crooked elder, pastor had wrongfully tried to shut me up, and even next had resorted next to slander me, to try to discredit me and what I had said,  or whatever,  now even both in Quebec and in Alberta.
     
    But like I have often said elsewhere the Evangelical church was not the only place where they tried to deny me my right to speak and to be heard now, for too often too and unacceptable the Alberta bullies, rednecks now  on the net had wrongfully tried often and falsely to suppress my right of free speech, but next so did not too many a Politician, particularly,  ironically again both the professing Christian ones, and the definitely alcoholic ones now too.. what they were falsely deluded that only politicians had the right of free speech and the right to be heard it seems too .
     
    Next too many bad police officers as well did not like me openly, publically complaining about the too often bad cops, bad RCMP had encountered in Alberta, Quebec, and not just the too many bad pastors, elders too, and in other provinces as well.. and what these bad  cops, bad watchdogs,  forget they are here to serve the good welfare of the citizens? for  they are not our despotic slave drivers.. nor are their bosses for that matter now too.
     
    Now what bothered them all now so much that they had tried to shut me up? my transparency, honesty, or it seems the mere exercise of  case of my rights . For in reality it seems at least 10 percent of the persons even on the net seem to be control freaks, bullies, human rights abusers.
     
    I often read complaints on the net from  some child complaining  that that one of their parents is verbally abusing them, or even a spouse complain that  their spouse is abusing them.  I have heard people tell me how pastors had abused them as well. Children and spouses sometimes are forced to put up with it?? But not me, for I am not a child, rather a matured adult, a retired senior in fact. And I can clearly, rightfully speak for myself and talk on any topic now as I so desire as well as we all can readily see and I do so now too. And for the good of us all now too.
     
     
    Beware always of men and women, bullies, tormentors, control freaks,  persons, civil and public servants,  politicians, pastors, leaders, elders, who falsely do, will try to enslave you, oppress you, exploit you even while they claim they are proclaiming the truth, democracy, trying to help you, etc.,
     
    Is 51:23 ..your tormentors {and} oppressors, those who said to you, Bow down, that we may ride {or} tread over you; and you have made your back like the ground and like the street for them to pass over.
     
     
     
    In generally in the more   liberal society of Canada both the wife and the children tend to have much more freedom, rights, make their own decisions,  over many other countries and as a result the culture shock is a very real problem for some new immigrant spouses where the husband was used to being obeyed, and being the sole head of the home  thus  it’s not altogether uncommon for some of the new immigrant  home situations to become  unacceptably violent.
     
    Here also is what I know for sure, the older the person is the more extreme, more severe, the more difficult the punishment has  to be on them to cause them to personally to change in their own  negative ways, for they are too set in them now too.