there still can be a good life after divorce with God’s help…

>>My ex-husband smokes pot and drinks a lot, and I am told, so does his girlfriend. He once told me that I am too righteous because I don’t drink or do drugs, and I attend church.

that was a verbal abuse if I have ever seen one..

so do thank God daily that he has now removed your from this  abusive relationship..

and do ask Him, God  to take all the tears away and he will.

(Psa 4:8 KJV)  I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, LORD, only makest me dwell in safety.

 
(Rev 21:4 KJV)  And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

there still can be a good life after divorce with God’s help…

 Isaiah 54:4-10  “Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. For your Maker is your husband – the LORD Almighty is his name – the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. The LORD will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit – a wife who married young, only to be rejected,” says your God. “For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back. In a surge of anger I hid my face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you,” says the LORD your Redeemer. “To me this is like the days of Noah, when I swore that the waters of Noah would never again cover the earth. So now I have sworn not to be angry with you, never to rebuke you again. Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the LORD, who has compassion on you.

Truly any type of abuse is unacceptable and anywhere too

and exposing it loudly in public as well as calling the police is the best way to deal with it for everyone’s benefit, the abuser included.

God himself clearly does not accept verbal, physical, or human rights abuses

(Mat 18:6 KJV) But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.

(Mat 18:7 KJV) Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!

(Mat 18:8 KJV) Wherefore if thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast them from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into everlasting fire.

No we ALL cannot STOP, take the ostrich approach under the guise of love to the definite bad acts of others, we as Christians are still called to be fruit inspectors of those who profess to be Christians ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY RARELY QUOTE IT in actual context OR LIVE THE BIBLE THEY CLAIM THEY BELIEVE IN-

(Gen 31:42 KJV) Except the God of my father, the God of Abraham, and the fear of Isaac, had been with me, surely thou hadst sent me away now empty. God hath seen mine affliction and the labour of my hands, and rebuked thee yesternight.

(Lev 19:17 KJV) Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart: thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy neighbour, and not suffer sin upon him.

(Neh 5:7 KJV) Then I consulted with myself, and I rebuked the nobles, and the rulers, and said unto them, Ye exact usury, every one of his brother. And I set a great assembly against them.

(Psa 119:21 KJV) Thou hast rebuked the proud that are cursed, which do err from thy commandments.

(Prov 24:25 KJV) But to them that rebuke him shall be delight, and a good blessing shall come upon them.

(Prov 27:5 KJV) Open rebuke is better than secret love.

(Eccl 7:5 KJV) It is better to hear the rebuke of the wise, than for a man to hear the song of fools.

(Mat 17:18 KJV) And Jesus rebuked the devil; and he departed out of him: and the child was cured from that very hour.

(Mark 1:25 KJV) And Jesus rebuked him, saying, Hold thy peace, and come out of him.

(Mark 4:39 KJV) And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.

(Mark 8:33 KJV) But when he had turned about and looked on his disciples, he rebuked Peter, saying, Get thee behind me, Satan: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but the things that be of men.

(1 Tim 5:20 KJV) Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear.

(2 Tim 4:2 KJV) Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all longsuffering and doctrine.

(Titus 1:13 KJV) This witness is true. Wherefore rebuke them sharply, that they may be sound in the faith;

(Titus 2:15 KJV) These things speak, and exhort, and rebuke with all authority. Let no man despise thee.

(Heb 12:5 KJV) And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him:

(Rev 3:19 KJV) As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent.

Verbal abuse is always unacceptable too. So are the Bullies now too.

Verbal abuse is always unacceptable too. So are the Bullies now    Even for Christians! verbal abuse by pastorS NOW ESPECIALLY TOO.

“This is from the book by Patricia Evans http://andthenshecried.wordpress.com/2008/02/05/the-verbally-abusive-relationship-how-to-recognize-it-and-how-to-respond

Verbal abuse is a kind of battering which doesn’t leave evidence like physical abuse does. However, it can be just as painful, and recovery can take much longer. The victim of abuse lives in a gradually more confusing realm. In public she is with one man, in private he becomes another. Often, for the verbally abused woman (man), there is no witness to her reality and no one to understand her experiences. Friends and family continue to see her ex, the abuser, as a really good guy and, certainly, he agrees with them. The verbal abuser, while maintaining his charm with others, always takes his abuse behind closed doors. It is a means of holding power over his wife( husband) /partner.. Many women and some men leave a marriage and come back into the singles’ world with the diminished self-esteem that comes from a verbally abusive relationship. The fact that many of these women (men) have never even realized that they were being abused, makes it easy for them to enter another abusive relationship. A verbal abuser is an insecure person and immature person who is looking for power and control over another.In order to help you recognize abuse, remember that all forms of verbal abuse are methods of manipulating you for the purpose of establishing power over you. The following are some of the forms of verbal abuse the author helps you recognize.

1. Withholding: a purposeful, silent treatment.
2. Countering: a countering of your ideas, feelings, and perceptions, even going so far as to refute what he misconstrues you to have said.
3. Discounting–a putdown of you or something you hold dear.
4. Blocking and diverting–this is a sneaky, covert way of violating your dignity.
5. Accusation and blame: generally involves lies about the partner’s intentions, attitudes, and motives. The author states that accusation and blame is present in all verbally abusive relationships.
6. Judging and criticizing: lies about your personal qualities and performance.
7. Trivializing and undermining: abusive behavior which makes light of your work, your efforts, your interests, or your concerns. The abuser attempts to dilute meaning and value in your life. Undermining might occur when your partner laughs at you, for example, when you burn yourself cooking. It is also jokes at your expense. Undermining is occurring when you feel a “so-called joke” is mean rather than funny.
8. Name calling: no one has a right to call you degrading names. Name calling is verbal abuse.
9. Ordering: Telling you to do something, rather than asking, or making decisions for you or for the two of you without your input.
10. Forgetting and denial: the trickiest form of denial is forgetting. Become aware that forgetting is a form of denial that shifts all responsibility from the abuser to some “weakness of mind.”
11. Abusive anger: this seems to be closely linked to the need to “blow up,” to dominate, to control, to go one up, and to put down. Any time you are snapped at or yelled at, you are being abused.
12. Threatening: Physical threats and sexual threats aside, verbal threats are an effort at manipulation. For example, a threat to leave, stay out all night, or take you home immediately is a manipulation for power. The threat of “pending disaster” is designed to shatter the partner’s serenity as well as her boundaries.

If you counter the abuser or attempt to explain yourself, you will probably be met with such statements as, “I don’t want to hear it, get out of my face” or “Woman you don’t have the brains“, “B” You shouldn’t have said that to me“.

f you are in a brand-new relationship and see warning signs of verbal abuse, the author suggests you might be wise to let the relationship go. It is not likely that a man (woman) who needs to dominate and control will change easily, if at all. It is also likely that when the newness of the relationship wears off, he will become more abusive. Verbal abuse can become physical in time and physical abuse is always preceded by verbal abuse, according to Evans.If you are in a long-term relationship, you can respond to the abuser as the book suggests and soon discover for yourself whether or not your mate is willing to change and stop his abusive behavior.

“If you have been verbally abused in your relationship, you may have discovered that explaining and trying to understand have not improved your relationship. Therefore, I recommend that you respond in a new way–a way that will make an emotional, psychological, and intellectual impact upon your mate.”

The abuser in your relationship may change when he finds that you do know when you are being abused, that you have set limits, that you mean what you say, and that you will not take behavior you don’t like. 

If the man ( or sadly too often now a women) in your relationship remains abusive, it is not only not your fault,” but it is  your responsibility to deal with it, make it public, call the police too.

Any person cannot still fight with you of you leave his or her presences, even forever.. and there is still a good life after a failed marriage now too. I practise what I preach and often now too.

 SEE ALSO https://thefocusonthefamily.wordpress.com/2008/07/17/the-too-common-abusive-silent-treatment/

Hey if you read my many non conforming posts you will note that I definitely, and loudly, rightfully still  do not conform to the false or immoral demands of others..
 
I was really now fortunate I had great teachers here in Canada, in my public school, in high School and in University in Montreal Quebec, and all of them now   had treated me as a real person, respected me, and allowed me to speak. and to be heard as well.
  
Not one of them no one told me what I can talk about write about or what I cannot as well. At work as a Professional Engineer, or as a Professional Realtor with Re/Max I was allowed continually as a responsible, a mature adult to make my own decisions,  and top also carry out my responsibilities in the manner   I chose to do them as well.
 
So I have to admit it came to me as a shock firstly when I started to attend evangelical, Baptist Pentecostal churches in Canada now as an adult that that same right  to be respect, top speak, and to be heard, not to be bullied, falsely oppressed. Legal and Human rights that  I had before, often now did not exist in the churches surprisingly now of all places. Never saw so many control freaks, human rights abusers  in my whole life next to the too often bad cops now too.  And perversely many a despotic, crooked elder, pastor had wrongfully tried to shut me up, and even next had resorted next to slander me, to try to discredit me and what I had said,  or whatever,  now even both in Quebec and in Alberta.
 
But like I have often said elsewhere the Evangelical church was not the only place where they tried to deny me my right to speak and to be heard now, for too often too and unacceptable the Alberta bullies, rednecks now  on the net had wrongfully tried often and falsely to suppress my right of free speech, but next so did not too many a Politician, particularly,  ironically again both the professing Christian ones, and the definitely alcoholic ones now too.. what they were falsely deluded that only politicians had the right of free speech and the right to be heard it seems too .
 
Next too many bad police officers as well did not like me openly, publically complaining about the too often bad cops, bad RCMP had encountered in Alberta, Quebec, and not just the too many bad pastors, elders too, and in other provinces as well.. and what these bad  cops, bad watchdogs,  forget they are here to serve the good welfare of the citizens? for  they are not our despotic slave drivers.. nor are their bosses for that matter now too.
 
Now what bothered them all now so much that they had tried to shut me up? my transparency, honesty, or it seems the mere exercise of  case of my rights . For in reality it seems at least 10 percent of the persons even on the net seem to be control freaks, bullies, human rights abusers.
 
I often read complaints on the net from  some child complaining  that that one of their parents is verbally abusing them, or even a spouse complain that  their spouse is abusing them.  I have heard people tell me how pastors had abused them as well. Children and spouses sometimes are forced to put up with it?? But not me, for I am not a child, rather a matured adult, a retired senior in fact. And I can clearly, rightfully speak for myself and talk on any topic now as I so desire as well as we all can readily see and I do so now too. And for the good of us all now too.
 
 
Beware always of men and women, bullies, tormentors, control freaks,  persons, civil and public servants,  politicians, pastors, leaders, elders, who falsely do, will try to enslave you, oppress you, exploit you even while they claim they are proclaiming the truth, democracy, trying to help you, etc.,
 
Is 51:23 ..your tormentors {and} oppressors, those who said to you, Bow down, that we may ride {or} tread over you; and you have made your back like the ground and like the street for them to pass over.
 
 
 
In generally in the more   liberal society of Canada both the wife and the children tend to have much more freedom, rights, make their own decisions,  over many other countries and as a result the culture shock is a very real problem for some new immigrant spouses where the husband was used to being obeyed, and being the sole head of the home  thus  it’s not altogether uncommon for some of the new immigrant  home situations to become  unacceptably violent.
 
Here also is what I know for sure, the older the person is the more extreme, more severe, the more difficult the punishment has  to be on them to cause them to personally to change in their own  negative ways, for they are too set in them now too.
  
 
 
 

Perhaps the best thing for preserving marriages is..

 

The most common complaint that I have heard in my lifetime from men, from about 60 percent of them, was I have only one major problem in my life and it is my wife.. and who had made him marry her in the first place?

Perhaps the best thing for preserving Christian marriages is their frequent church attendance, both of them, plus daily practising being a real Christian..

 

 Ever notice how few church people next do   go to the Sunday night services, or especially the Wednesday night prayer meetings now too? and why is that?

  

 

“here are the divorce rates among ever-married respondents in the General Social Survey (GSS, 2000-2004)—one of the best known sources of sociological data.

 

“Frequent” is attending church about once a week or more. http://brewright.blogspot.com/2006/12/christian-divorce-rates.html58%, non-frequent Black Protestants
54%, non-frequent Evangelicals
51%, no religion (e.g., atheists & agnostics)

48%, ALL NON-CHRISTIANS
48%, non-frequent, other religions
47%, frequent Black Protestants
42%, non-frequent, mainline Protestants
41%, ALL CHRISTIANS
41%, non-frequent Catholics
39%, Jews
38%, frequent other religions
34%, frequent Evangelicals
32%, ALL FREQUENT CHRISTIANS
32%, frequent mainline Protestants
23%, frequent Catholics

 

 

 

 

I also analyzed data from previous years of the GSS and from five other national surveys, and they showed the same pattern: Christians, especially those who frequently attend church, have relatively low divorce rates.”

  

 My real experiences is that I have been too often sexually propositioned , and so have many other pastors too,  in even the evangelical churches now too.

 

There is a demonic myth being spread today amongst the churches too that a 30 percent divorce rate amongst frequent Church attendees is acceptable.. but not in God’s eyes, for God says he hates Divorce!!! No divorce is acceptable  for HIM! Divorce , adultery are just as sinful, unacceptable  as prostitution,  pornography, lust, drunkness, cheating, lying, stealing  too.

 

(Mal 2:16 KJV)  For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.

 

(Mal 2:17 KJV)  Ye have wearied the LORD with your words. Yet ye say, Wherein have we wearied him? When ye say, Every one that doeth evil is good in the sight of the LORD, and he delighteth in them; or, Where is the God of judgment?

 

Many people are really astounded for the false reasons for the much too many divorces in America these days, even in the Christian Churches.

 

 

Focusing on the Family

    

(Exo 20:12 KJV)  Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

 

Focus on the Family SUPPOSEDLY  provides timely, relevant, godly information  information and advice on marriage, parenting, faith, entertainment, life challenges and social issues.. and it has been my own often real  experienced that most people who mainly focused on their own family were  persons who  cast out too often their own inlaws, because  they  still were mostly discriminatory, guilty of false partialities, unloving, unkind, unfriendly and ungodly persons. Ironically they tend to divorce, separate from most other persons not in their own family and they next tend to reap what they sowed and become martially divorced themselves too.   A clan is a group of people united by kinship and descent, which is defined by perceived descent from a common ancestor.   (Mat 19:5 KJV)  And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? 6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.  7 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? 8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.    (Prov 21:9 KJV),  (Prov 25:24 KJV)  It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.   And lately it’s occured to me again that too often the members of the clan Family DO share some things in common such as even sinful, really “Bad Family Values”, false pride, passed on from one generation to the other too. One can also see “The Influence of Human Relationships on Heart Disease,”

 

 (Deu 13:6 KJV)  If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which thou hast not known, thou, nor thy fathers; 7 Namely, of the gods of the people which are round about you, nigh unto thee, or far off from thee, from the one end of the earth even unto the other end of the earth; 8  Thou shalt not consent unto him, nor hearken unto him; neither shall thine eye pity him, neither shalt thou spare, neither shalt thou conceal him: 9  But thou shalt surely kill him; thine hand shall be first upon him to put him to death, and afterwards the hand of all the people.10 And thou shalt stone him with stones, that he die; because he hath sought to thrust thee away from the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage. 11   And all Israel shall hear, and fear, and shall do no more any such wickedness as this is among you.

  

(Mat 10:34 KJV)  Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.

 

 

(Mat 12:50 KJV)  For whosoever shall do the will of my Father which is in heaven, the same is my brother, and sister, and mother.

 

Mark 3:35 KJV)  For whosoever shall do the will of God, the same is my brother, and my sister, and mother.

 

Ironically many of these same people tend to be STILL HYPOCRTICAL, pretentious, in that they are kind to their relatives, brothers and sisters generally only on holidays, birthdays and they tend to abuse, neglect them the rest of the year.

 

(Rom 2:18 KJV)  And knowest his will, and approvest the things that are more excellent, being instructed out of the law;

 

(Rom 2:19 KJV)  And art confident that thou thyself art a guide of the blind, a light of them which are in darkness,

 

(Rom 2:20 KJV)  An instructor of the foolish, a teacher of babes, which hast the form of knowledge and of the truth in the law.

 

(Rom 2:21 KJV)  Thou therefore which teachest another, teachest thou not thyself? thou that preachest a man should not steal, dost thou steal?

 

(Rom 2:22 KJV)  Thou that sayest a man should not commit adultery, dost thou commit adultery? thou that abhorrest idols, dost thou commit sacrilege?

 

(Rom 2:23 KJV)  Thou that makest thy boast of the law, through breaking the law dishonourest thou God?

 

(Acts 10:34 KJV)  Of a truth I perceive that God is no respecter of persons:

 

(Gal 3:28 KJV)  There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.

 

(Rom 2:9 KJV)  Tribulation and anguish, upon every soul of man that doeth evil, of the Jew first, and also of the Gentile; 10 But glory, honour, and peace, to every man that worketh good, to the Jew first, and also to the Gentile: (Rom 2:11 KJV)  For there is no respect of persons with God.

 

(Gal 3:27 KJV)  For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ. 28  There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.

 

(1 Cor 15:50 KJV)  Now this I say, brethren, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God; neither doth corruption inherit incorruption.

  

Here is another simple rule. You have to ask to be forgiven too before you can be forgiven

and you still also do have to accept the forgiveness