Happy New Year

 A Happy New Year

2009

Wishing you all love, joy, peace, love,

freedom, prosperity, and much more.

and that you at least do not repeat last year’s mistakes..

 

Coping with Personal unresolved Stress

  

Siblings, Most adults too  often do fight for a number of reasons.
-They fight because they want a parent’s or other person’s attention, especially where the parent has only so much time, attention and patience to give.
-They fight because they are selfish, jealous: “He got a new bike. I didn’t. They must love him more than they love me.”
-They even fight over ordinary teasing which is a way of testing the effects of behavior and words on another person: “He called me…” “But she called me…first.”
-They fight because they are growing up in a competitive, aggressive, self centered, worldly, dog eat dog,   society that falsely teaches them that to get it, to win is to be better than to be the loser. “I saw it first.” “I beat you to the water.”

Lessons about jealousy, competition, sharing and kindness are difficult to learn, and, indeed, even many adults still still haven’t learned them. Too many adolescent may not recognize, admit still  their needs or may be too embarrassed to express them verbally, so their ongoing fighting with siblings, others is a way to get their need personal  attention which often next  actually increase in adolescence life.

A Parent’s Checklist
As a parent, do you:
-Set aside some time to be alone with each child?
-Recognize that each child is different?
-Make sure your adolescents realize they are each unique and have a special set of strengths?
-Praise adolescents for being who they are and not just for what they can do?
-Avoid initiating competition among children?
-Realize adolescents and younger children need to be given the right also to decide not to share at least some of the time?
-Be sure older children are not usually forced to give in to younger ones because “he’s little” or “she doesn’t know better?”
-Talk positively to the adolescents about their fighting?
-Falsely encourage, promote the sibling fighting?

 

11 Tips for Coping with Personal unresolved Stress

 

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference
 
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy;
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

The prayers of Saint Francis of Assisi

 
1. First Concentrate on the present.   You cannot change the past, but you can work on having a better future
Don’t needlessly, continually  dwell on the past or worry about a future you cannot control. Have a positive and not a a negative, defeatist attitude now as well

 

2. Consider, Admit and deal with  your  past, present  problems one at a time.  First personally define, Write down those things that Bother you, do Number them, and do decide what you can and cannot do abut  them too . Prioritize as well Decide which ones are still important and which ones are no longer important to deal with.
If there are lots of items  you want to change, start by focusing on one or two of the most bothersome or dangerous ones. Don’t try to make too many changes all at once. Don’t merely lump your complaints,  problems together, it can make them seem overwhelming.

 
Remember
Anger and aggression are different. Anger is a temporary emotional state caused by frustration; while aggression is often an attempt to hurt a person or to destroy property.
Anger and aggression do not have to be dirty words. We must be careful to tell the difference between behavior that indicates emotional problems and behavior that is normal. Convert aggression to assertiveness, actions done in love as well.

 

**Writing. There is evidence that writing about stressful events and circumstances may help relieve stress and improve diseases linked to stress.  Write for 10 to 15 minutes a day about an unresolved stressful events and how you felt. One way to use writing to deal with stress is to keep a stressed out journal. This can really help you identify the sources of stress in your life so that you can find better ways to cope with them. 

 

3. Take positive action.  Do review all of your options, such as writing a letter of complaint to the right party, in detail reporting the matter so you do not have to have it repeated on you.
Make sure you have realistic expectations, goals, approaches too. Once you’ve decided what you want to do about a problem, act consistently quickly ,  firmly and follow up on it too.

 

4. Don’t   merely complain about your problems . Continually complaining is wasteful, and seriously for a stat don’t expect only others alone to resolve them, deal with them yourself .
Talk things over with your family and good friends. Look for the positive, possible, practical  solutions.

 

5. Occupy yourself and your mind.  Determine what you can and cannot do, how much time you should spend on it, also do go on with your life

 
Social interaction, alternative activities can help during a time of stress by not continually focusing on the problem

 

*Doing something you enjoy. A meaningful activity helps relieve stress, tension. This can be a hobby, such as gardening; a creative activity, such as writing, crafts, or art; or doing volunteer work for a cause that benefits others. Playing with and caring for pets also can help you relax. Although you may feel that you are too busy, making time to do something you like can help you relax and make you more productive in other areas of your life. 

Good Music therapy can relax your body, improve your mood, and change the pace of your day.   

 

Good Humor therapy Clean Jokes, Comedy, are becoming widely accepted as a tool for reducing stress and boosting the body’s immune system.

 

6. Don’t just blame the other people for your problems and their failure at  Resolving them – be an active part of the solution yourself if need be
Frustrated hostility will accomplish nothing and can only make and feel worse.

 

7. Exercise every day.
Go for a walk and concentrate on your surroundings instead of  just on your problems.

 

8. Maintain a daily routine. even if you are unemployed, retired, but do not get into a continual rut as well
I have often helped many a poor, depressed person, not by any medications, but by  simply by changing their daily normal activity routine, and next by taking them for a drive into the country, or taking them to see a good film, a comedy, or Giving them some good movies to watch, or by me taking them to a fine food restaurant, or by me taking them for a long  walk through unfamiliar surroundings.. and it worked.. it actually next had broke them out of their long term depression.
 
Can’t change positively   the person? try first changing their surroundings, environment temporarily?
A familiar pattern of  daily activates can decrease stress and increase your sense of security. Be willing to make a change once a while as well.

 

9. Avoid taking your problems to bed. Try to forgive and forget.
Clear your mind of the days thoughts so you can get a good night sleep.

 

10. Talk to your adequate health care provider, helper. Pick and choose, for remember there are still good and bad professionals.
She/he can help you find the right agency or person(s) to assist you in coping with stress. 
 

With God on your side you will always be a winner

 

St. Francis of Assisi’s prayer in praise of God

 
You are holy, Lord, the only God,
and Your deeds are wonderful.
You are strong.
You are great.
You are the Most High.
You are Almighty.
You, Holy Father are King of heaven and earth.
You are Three and One, Lord God, all Good.
You are Good, all Good, supreme Good,
Lord God, living and true.
You are love. You are wisdom.
You are humility. You are endurance.
You are rest. You are peace.
You are joy and gladness.
You are justice and moderation.
You are all our riches, and You suffice for us.
You are beauty.
You are gentleness.
You are our protector.
You are our guardian and defender.
You are our courage. You are our haven and our hope.
You are our faith, our great consolation.
You are our eternal life, Great and Wonderful Lord,
God Almighty, Merciful Saviour.
 
do see also 

https://thefocusonthefamily.wordpress.com/2008/12/28/young-offenders-sibling-rivalry-war/

http://stayinhealth.wordpress.com

 

 

Resolving the Conflicts requires still :

 

Admitting, recognizing the stress issue.
Effectively dealing with the issue in a positive manner… For the matters left on their own to be resolved   tend to get worse and not better

 

The instinctive, natural way it seems is merely to immediacy, feel anger, to  express our anger and to to respond  immediately aggressively as well.. not much self control obvious.. as opposed to a planed, deliberate, calculated, thought our approach.

 

When you are angry, you probably feel:

 

This often Aggressive Anger is a  response to  our perceived threats; it inspires powerful, often visible  feelings and behaviors. But we can’t physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and for most of us our own common sense places valid limits on how far our anger can take us.

 

Stop. Consider the consequences. Think before you act. Try to find positive or neutral explanations for what that person did that provoked you.  Learn to recognize what sets you off and how anger feels to you. Learn to think through the benefits of controlling your anger and the consequences of losing control. Control your own  behavior, don’t let anger control you.

 

Identify the problem, problem behavior. Isolate it from the emotions associated with it and evaluate it.  How often does it happen and how long can  it go on?  What is the purpose of the behavior? If it tears down another person, it is abusive.  If you suspect abuse, it’s important to act quickly to stop it. Do not hesitate to bring it into the open, to expose it next to all for what it really is, unacceptable abuse. Get enough fact and feeling information to assess the problem accurately. Restate the problem to make sure you understand it clearly. Figure out alternative solutions to the problem.

 

Anger management  reducing  both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You can’t always get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions, and express, act in a positive manner, for the good of all.

 

Set ground rules to prevent emotional abuse, and stick to them. For example, make it clear you will not put up with name-calling, teasing, belittling, intimidating,   provoking, cheating, lying, stealing, bullying, physical abuses, intimidations and you will firmly deal with it too. Living with bad, fighting adolescent siblings is not pleasant. Clearly show all of the  adolescents the cost of fighting is higher than the falsely expected reward.

 

Next  tell of the trouble makers, bad adolescents that while it’s normal to have disagreements, the constant fighting upsets you  and you  value peace at home. You also can  can say they will no longer be the judge and jury over the siblings’, adolescents  disputes, wars  and you merely will not stand for it, put up with it and stand by the resolution with firm action!

 

Timing: use a controlled, well thought out  response to Control the event on your own time, and don’t merely be hastily suckered into facing, dealing with it unprepared. Also now do Give yourself a regular break from the conflicts, stressful situations. Make sure always too you have some “personal time” scheduled for times of the day, the place  that you know are particularly stressful.  One’s Problems and responsibilities can weigh on you and make you feel angry at the set “trap” you seem again to have fallen into and all the people and things that form that trap. Sometimes it’s our unavoidable immediate surroundings that give us continual, ongoing, unavoidable  cause for irritation and fury. If need be do next Remove yourself permanently from the environment, for your own good health firstly . One does not have to put with with these mostly false conflicts forever.

Set clear consequences for broken rules.  What will happen if they break the rules? For example, one husband told his wife he would no longer spoil his wife, indulge in all of her false whims, desires, but would not merely give her two  alternative choices beforehand, one would lead to a reward, one whole lead to negative personal consequences for her.  Choice one – resolve the conflicts peacefully, amiably.  Or if she continued to cause false problems, fighting he would merely fire her, terminate the relationship, divorce the marriage. He next  was forced to take the second alternative.

 

“One father reported that every time a fight started, he would say to his adolescents, “You’re fighting. I’m leaving.” And then he would go out to work in the yard or take a drive or run an errand — but he simply walked away from the fighting. A mother used a similar tactic. When the fighting began, she said, “Call me when it’s over.” Then she went to her bedroom, slamming the door to emphasize her point. Another parent made his adolescents leave the house when they began fighting. “

In each of these cases, the parents, adolescents  demonstrated that their ongoing fighting would not get their attention and they would not get involved in the fight.

 

Do not hesitate to Remove yourself  from the problem behavioral  person, or remove the root cause of the problem child , adult

 

Instead of doing nothing, which postpones the inevitable anyway. Seek, get sound advice, the valid  opinion of others too. Make a plan, and check your progress along the way. Resolve to give it your best, but also not to punish yourself if an answer doesn’t come right away. If you can approach the conflicts, fight  it with your best intentions and efforts and make a serious attempt to face it head-on, you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking, even if the problem does not get solved right away.

Remember, you can’t eliminate anger-and it wouldn’t be a good idea if you could. In spite of all your efforts, things will happen that will cause you anger; and sometimes it will be justifiable anger. Life will be filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. You can’t change that; but you can change the way you let such events affect you. Controlling effectively your angry responses can keep them from making you even more unhappy in the long run. 
 
Negative Results of unchecked Sibling Rivalry or Sibling Abuse : Thousands of adult survivors of sibling abuse can readily tell of the far-reaching negative effects that such unchecked behavior has had on them as children and even as adults. For instance, one person, reflecting back on their relationship with   a brother wrote: “I believed EVERYTHING my brother told me. Even if it was lies to make himself look better.  Children and adults often still do wrongfully abuse a brother or sister  to falsely try to  gain power and control.

 

 

If you notice the following signs in a person  over a period of time, the potential for increased unacceptable physical  violence next also exists:

or failing to acknowledge  the abuse of others, 

When you recognize these unacceptable future increased violence warning signs in someone else,   Hoping that someone else will deal with the situation is still false way out.

Be safe. Don’t spend time alone with people who show any of these warning signs and  remove the person from the situation that’s setting them off.

The most important thing to remember is don’t go it alone. Expose the matter to others as well.

a history of violent or aggressive, abnormal . offensive behavior
serious drug or alcohol use
gang membership or strong desire to be in a gang
access to or fascination with weapons, especially guns
threatening others regularly
trouble controlling feelings like anger
withdrawal from friends and normal, usual activities
visibly feeling rejected or alone
having been a victim of bullying, or now being a bully themselves
poor school or job performance
history of discipline problems or frequent run-ins with authority
feeling constantly disrespected
failing to acknowledge the feelings  rights of others

The angered people tend to jump to-and act on-conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you’re in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don’t say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.  Listen, too, to what is underlying cause of your  anger. It’s natural to get defensive when you’re criticized, but don’t fight back. Instead, listen to what’s underlying the words: the message that this person might feel neglected and unloved. It may take a lot of patient questioning on your part, and it may require some breathing space, but don’t let your anger-or a partner’s-let a discussion spin out of control. Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming a disastrous one.

It’s best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to deal with and to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge. 

Remind yourself that merely getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won’t make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse). You need to focus on the problem and deal with it effectively;

Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it’s justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic, Such as ” you’re just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Normal  people tend expect : fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness, congenital agreements. The first best attitude to bring to such a problem situation, then, is not to focus on solely now finding the solution, but rather firstly on how you handle and face the problem.

We face a choice  to deal with their angry feelings  such as expressing our anger, suppressing our outrage, and submissiveness, calming Ourselves, controlling our outward behavior, but also controlling our internal responses, taking steps to lower our heart rate, calm yourself down, and letting  the emotional feelings subside.

Assertiveness is expressing our anger in love ,without hurting others. Being assertive here doesn’t mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.

Anger turned inward may cause next  hypertension, high blood pressure,  a self pity complex, or depression.

” Unexpressed specific anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven’t learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren’t likely to have many successful relationships. ”

muscle tension
accelerated heartbeat
a “knot” or “butterflies” in your stomach
changes in your breathing
trembling
goose bumps
flushed in the face

You can reduce the rush of adrenaline that’s responsible for your heart beating faster, your voice sounding louder, and your fists clenching if you:

Take a few slow, deep breaths and concentrate on your breathing.
Imagine yourself at a better place, the beach, by a lake, or anywhere that makes you feel calm and peaceful.
Try other thoughts or actions that have helped you relax in the past.

“Calm down.”
“I don’t need to prove myself.”
“I’m not going to let him/her get to me.”

Young Offenders, Sibling rivalry, War

     
Sibling rivalry, war is the jealousy, competition and fighting between the unloving and/or  unloved brothers and sisters firstly.  It is a concern for almost all parents of two or more kids. Problems often start right after the birth of the second child.  Sibling rivalry usually continues throughout childhood and even adulthood, it can be very embarrassing, frustrating and stressful to parents.  There some things parents can do to help their young kids get along better and work through conflicts in positive ways and  help you keep the peace at your house. 

Sibling rivalry, war  is as old as the children of Adam and Eve and is too often recorded now as a sin in the Bible as well that has negative consequences on the persons involved and even others.
 
The real sad part is that many adults play also this false game still too.. Conquer and destroy!
 
 Sibling rivalry can also be caused by proximity in age. Research suggests that siblings that are within two years’ age of one another tend to have more sibling rivalry than other siblings.  Ultimately, sibling rivalry is often caused not only by by blocked goals but by  poor personal communication skills, bad or extreme values,  just like almost any other sorts of adult conflicts and wars

There are many factors that contribute to sibling rivalry:
 
-Past and present neglect of the siblings by the parents will top it all.. there are overarching sorts of factors and events that can be, ultimately, the root causes of any sibling rivalry. Knowing what these important factors and events are can help you to not only understand the causes of sibling rivalry, but to deal with sibling rivalry more effectively when it does occur. Some of the most common causes of sibling rivalry tends to be jealousy or selfishness.
-Each child, person  is mostly competing to define who they are as an individual.  As they discover who they are, they try to find their own talents, activities, and interests.  They want to show that they are separate from their siblings.
-Rejected Children, Adults too  feel they are getting unequal amounts of your attention, discipline, and responsiveness.
-Children often may feel their relationship with their parents is threatened by the arrival of a new baby. 
-A  children’s and an Adult’s developmental stages affect how well they can share your attention and get along with one another. 
-Children and adults  who are hungry, bored or tired, nervous, stressed out  are more likely to start fights.
– Too many Children, adults too  do not know positive ways to get attention from their brother or sister, so they pick fights. 
– Family dynamics play a serious role here as well when one of the parent  neglect one of their children, or shows a false favoring, partiality,. We are reminded this happened in the biblical account of Joseph and his brothers due to his new coat of many colors,
– Children, adults  will fight more with each other in families where there is no set bounders, understanding that their fighting is not an acceptable way to resolve conflicts. 
– All Families that don’t share enjoyable times together will probably have more family conflict next exasperated by a jealous immoral, insecure, poor self esteem  spouse(s)  of the siblings now too
– Unresolved Stress, poor health  in the parent’s lives will often  decrease the amount of still need attention parents give the children and thus increase the sibling rivalry. 
– Stress in the  children’s lives will next  shorten their fuses, and create more conflict, cause significant home, community  and even health problems as well

So how the good and bad parents do now still treat their kids, children and how they do now react to conflict will  make a big difference in how well siblings get along.  

The degree of existence of sibling rivalry, young offenders, gangs  tends to show how good of a parent, manager, administrator now you really were, are.

“as many as 53 out of every 100 children abuse a brother or sister, higher than the percentage of adults who abuse their children or their spouse. What some kids do to their brother or sister inside the family would be called assault outside the family. As parents, we may be tempted to ignore fighting and quarrelling between children. We may view these activities as a normal part of growing up. We say, “Kids will be kids” or “They’ll grow out of it.”   However, thousands of adult survivors of sibling abuse tell of the far-reaching negative effects that such unchecked behavior has had on them as children and adults. Children often abuse a brother or sister, usually younger than themselves, to gain power and control. One explanation for this is that the abusive child (generally with a poor self esteem) feels powerless, neglected and insecure. He or she may feel strong only in relation to a sibling being powerless. The feeling of power children experience when they mistreat a brother or sister often reinforces their decision to repeat the abuse ”  http://www.sasian.org/papers/rivabuse.htm

 

Why do we hear of the Russian Mafia, and the Asian Gangs now more increasing, because their parents have neglected them while they were busy trying to get rich, richer.

 

(James 4:1 KJV)  From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members?
2  Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not.
3  Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.
4  Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.
5  Do ye think that the scripture saith in vain, The spirit that dwelleth in us lusteth to envy?
6  But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.
7  Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
8  Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded.
9  Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness.
10  Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.
11  Speak not evil one of another, brethren. He that speaketh evil of his brother, and judgeth his brother, speaketh evil of the law, and judgeth the law: but if thou judge the law, thou art not a doer of the law, but a judge.
12  There is one lawgiver, who is able to save and to destroy: who art thou that judgest another?
13  Go to now, ye that say, To day or to morrow we will go into such a city, and continue there a year, and buy and sell, and get gain:
14  Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.
15  For that ye ought to say, If the Lord will, we shall live, and do this, or that.
16  But now ye rejoice in your boastings: all such rejoicing is evil.
17  Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.
5:1  Go to now, ye rich men, weep and howl for your miseries that shall come upon you.
2  Your riches are corrupted, and your garments are motheaten.
3  Your gold and silver is cankered; and the rust of them shall be a witness against you, and shall eat your flesh as it were fire. Ye have heaped treasure together for the last days.

   

 

 

 

 

(Prov 22:6 KJV)  Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.– Train your children firstly in the right way.. neglect any of them and everyone next will pay the negative price..

 
– Tell them that being self centered, selfish, concerned only about their own needs, desires is still an unacceptable sin, negative approach.
– Don’t play favorites or refuse to forgive, do not take sides as well. Your children need to learn that you will do your best to meet each of their unique needs. 
– Never compare your children.  
– Don’t typecast.  Let each child be who they are.  Don’t try to pigeonhole or label them
– Set your kids up to cooperate rather than compete.
– Teach your kids positive ways to get attention from each other.
– Don’t yell or lecture.  It really won’t help at all..
– Listen—really listen—to how your children feel about what’s going on in the family. and next also act upon it positively. They seek the parent’s help first often,  They may not be so demanding if they know you at least care how they feel. “When parents falsely unwisely crash, jump into sibling spats, they often protect one child (usually the younger sibling) against the other (usually the older one).  This escalates the conflict, because the older child resents the younger, and the younger feels that they can get away with more since the parent is “on their side.”  ”
– Celebrate your children’s differences, positive aspects and not mainly their negatives.
– Let each child know they are still unique and special— accept them, you love and care for them, just for whom they are.
– Encourage win-win negotiations, where each side gains something.
– If you are constantly angry at your kids, no wonder they are angry at each other!  Anger feeds on itself.  Learn to manage your anger, so you can teach your children how to manage theirs. 
– learn, Teach conflict resolution skills during calm times.
– Personally Model good conflict resolution skills for your kids.  
– Try to Involve your children in setting ground rules. 
– Enforced Ground rules, with clear and consistent consequences for breaking them, can help prevent many squabbles.

  

Summary

    

(Psalm 133:1 KJV)  Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!

    

 Sibling rivalry is a type of competition or animosity among brothers and sisters, blood-related or not..  the sibling bond is often complicated and is influenced by factors such as parental treatment, birth order, personality, and people and experiences outside the family. Sibling rivalry is particularly intense when children are very close in age and of the same gender, or where one child is intellectually gifted, or one child has received or attains  a bigger inheritance, earning, position, status in life. Adolescents fight for the same reasons younger children fight,  Fighting with siblings as a way to get attention, power  may increase in adolescence. Events even such as a strained marriage may  drive them seriously  apart. Sibling Rivalry in the Bible – sample cases: Cain and Abel, Esau and Jacob, and Joseph and his brothers., Leah and Rachel, and today’s counterpart is the conflicts between the Arabs and the Jews, gangs, Mafia

   

(Prov 15:1 KJV)  A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.

  

 

Siblings often do fight for a number of reasons.
-They fight because they want a parent’s or other person’s attention, especially where the parent has only so much time, attention and patience to give.
-They fight because they are selfish, jealous: “He got a new bike. I didn’t. They must love him more than they love me.”
-They even fight over ordinary teasing which is a way of testing the effects of behavior and words on another person: “He called me…” “But she called me…first.”
-They fight because they are growing up in a competitive, aggressive, self centered, worldly, dog eat dog,   society that falsely teaches them that to get it, to win is to be better than to be the loser. “I saw it first.” “I beat you to the water.” 

 

Lessons about jealousy, competition, sharing and kindness are difficult to learn, and, indeed, even many adults still still haven’t learned them. Too many adolescent may not recognize, admit still  their needs or may be too embarrassed to express them verbally, so their ongoing fighting with siblingsis a way to get their need personal  attention which often next  actually increase in adolescence life.

 

A Parent’s Checklist
As a parent, do you:
-Set aside some time to be alone with each child?
-Recognize that each child is different?
-Make sure your adolescents realize they are each unique and have a special set of strengths?
-Praise adolescents for being who they are and not just for what they can do?
-Avoid initiating competition among children?
-Realize adolescents and younger children need to be given the right also to decide not to share at least some of the time?
-Be sure older children are not usually forced to give in to younger ones because “he’s little” or “she doesn’t know better?”
-Talk positively to the adolescents about their fighting?
-Falsely encourage, promote the sibling fighting?

 

 

do see also https://thefocusonthefamily.wordpress.com/2008/12/27/quebec-proof/

  http://www.med.umich.edu/1libr/yourchild/sibriv.htm

 http://stayinhealth.wordpress.com

 

So the still mostly useless Albertan Prime Minister Stephen Harper and federal Justice Minister Rob Nicholson MP want to get tough on the young offenders, instead of on the parents, show to us all how ignorantly they are and very poor parents now too.. They clearly themselves firstly need to be educated.
 

Quebec proof federal tough-on-crime strategy doesn’t work: experts

The Canadian Press   MONTREAL – While the economy will no doubt take centre stage when Parliament resumes sitting in the new year, the Conservatives are making it clear that plans to get tough on youth crime will also be high on their agenda.  Should the Tory government survive, there’s little doubt it will move forward with strengthening the Youth Criminal Justice Act to have it include life sentences for convicted murderers as young as 14.  It would come in a year in which Albertans mark the 10th anniversary of the Taber school shooting and months after a rise in the number of iPod muggings was brought to light by the trial of a teen who fatally stabbed a man on a city bus in Ottawa  With that backdrop, the Tories’ tough-on-teens approach sits well with many, mianly according to Justice Minister Rob Nicholson.  But there’s one place in Canada where authorities have long taken a different approach – Quebec.  Tackling youth crime was among the Conservatives’ key election planks, but it was also one of the issues that angered Quebecers and prevented the Tories from broadening their support in the province.  Figures compiled by the Canadian Centre for Justice Statistics show Quebec’s emphasis on prevention and rehabilitation over incarceration has served the province well. In fact, the youth crime rate in Quebec has consistently been the lowest in all of Canada.  In 2007, for example, for every 100,000 young people aged 12 to 17 in Quebec, just 1,610 were involved in a crime.  In the Northwest Territories, the region where youth crime rates have traditionally been the highest, that figure was 10,491.  British Columbia recorded the second lowest youth crime rate in Canada, followed by Prince Edward Island, Ontario, Newfoundland and New Brunswick.   Meanwhile, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, Nova Scotia and Alberta recorded the highest crime rates.  Montreal criminologist Michele Goyette said the Conservative mentality of setting minimum penalties doesn’t sit well in Quebec, where there was strong  opposition to replacing the Young Offenders Act, which combined punishment and rehabilitation, with the YCJA, which favours increased penalties.  “Anything that seeks to create automatic sanctions for us, that’s against our beliefs,” said Goyette, who works at the Centre jeunesse de Montreal, a social-services agency for troubled youth.  Each person is evaluated individually and a rehabilitation program that might include drug treatment, anger management, job training or academic classes is established regardless of whether the individual is in custody or serving a sentence in the community.  While many other parts of the country have since caught on, Goyette said Quebec also has a long-standing practice of handling minor offences outside of the court system.  Theft or shoplifting cases, for example, might be dealt with through mediation or reparations with the victim, she said. Universite de Montreal criminologist Jean Trepanier said Quebec’s approach to juvenile delinquency dates back to the 1950s when an institution for boys known as Boscoville introduced a variety of psychological and educational interventions aimed at rehabilitation.  By the 1960s, the Universite de Montreal had even developed programs in “psycho-education,” he wrote in a 2004 article published in the Canadian Journal of Criminology and Criminal Justice.  “With good programs, what we can hope for is the delinquent activity will diminish and disappear earlier,” he said in an interview.  The use of extra-judicial measures has traditionally meant far fewer young people ending up before the courts in Quebec, Trepanier said.  Statistics show the introduction of the Youth Criminal Justice Act, which placed a greater emphasis on such measures, led to similar trends across the country.  It also led to fewer and shorter custodial sentences, but Trepanier said a lack of flexibility within the YCJA has effectively limited the ability of youth workers to design effective rehabilitation programs.  “Youth are often sentenced to very short custodial sentences in which we can’t undertake a rehabilitation program and as such… they re-offend and they end up in custody for another short period,” he said.  “Six sentences of one month don’t have the same effect as one six-month sentence even if the total length is the same.”  Statistics show about 10 per cent of convicted youths in Quebec received a custodial sentence in 2006-2007, the second lowest in the country after Manitoba.  Two-thirds of guilty-youth cases resulted in probation. Quebec was by far the province most likely to sentence teens to  community service at 48 per cent, double the national average.  Irvin Waller, a criminologist with the University of Ottawa’s Institute for the Prevention of Crime, suggested Quebec’s strong social safety net and “sophisticated” youth protection system have also contributed to lower crime rates.  Besides focusing on rehabilitation for those already in trouble with the law, Quebec has invested heavily in programs that prevent crime.  “The city of Montreal has invested in youth centres in areas where there were likely to be a lot of young people joining gangs,” he offered as an example.  “It’s not a coincidence that (Montreal) has the lowest estimated number of youth gang members per capita of any major city in Canada.”  He also touted the province’s $7-a-day daycare system as the sort of social policy that’s likely to reduce youth crime rates over time.  While he agrees Quebec has consistently been the most progressive when it comes to its approach to youth crime, Waller said Alberta is poised to outpace it.  In November 2007, the province launched a three-pronged “Safe Communities” initiative aimed at reducing crime by focusing on enforcement, prevention and treatment.  The $468-million, three-year project has resulted in the opening of 20 new treatment beds for 18-24-year-olds recovering from addictions and the elimination of cheap drink specials at bars to improve staff and patron safety and avoid excessive liquor consumption.  Alberta also plans to boost mental health services for children, substance abuse awareness in schools and make the transition back into the community easier for high risk youth.  “This is the first three years of changing the way that government approaches these situations,” Alberta Justice Minister Alison Redford said.  In Ontario, a recent report on youth violence found racism and poverty were direct contributors and recommended providing anti-racism training to police officers and ensuring teachers and school administrators better reflect the neighbourhoods they serve. It also called for $200-million for improved mental health services as well as better co-ordination among government ministries.  Critics have argued the $2-million report, commissioned by the province after the fatal May 2007 school shooting of 15-year-old Jordan Manners in Toronto, merely stated the obvious and that the cash-strapped province likely won’t be able to implement the recommendations anyway. 
http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/081226/national/year_youth_crime

 

I am always amazed when some ignorant, immoral persons demand, especially it seems uncompassionate Conservatives, who clearly too often still fail to change themselves, so they falsely think others being able to change is impossible as well,  so they do try to enforce the “letter of the law” over the “spirit of the law”.. the “spirit of the law” means an attempt to allow a person to repent, rehabilitation, where as the “letter of the law” falsely demands full incarceration, punishments. Furthermore punishing children for the often neglect, sins of their own  parents is still also absurd.. if anyone who should be punished here firstly it should be the parents anyway! Parents buck passing their sins onto the others is really criminal.

 

(Prov 22:6 KJV)  Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

 

Ironically this issue was one of the main reasons that the Tories failed to get reelected and now they are stupid enough to try it again, they thus will be making the alternative coalition government of liberals being even more attractive to many next instead.

  

(John 8:7 KJV)  So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.

 

Like I wrote before

 

“The Bloc got another break when Stephen Harper made a statement pushing for teens who commit serious crimes to serve jail sentences in adult prisons. Mr. Duceppe slammed the Prime Minister for delivering “fresh meat” to prison pedophiles and sending young criminals to “the university of crime.”” http://www.nationalpost.com/news/canada/election-2008/story.html?id=882332

 

Now really How can a now Alberta, redneck that was personally now even raised in Montreal, Quebec,  now get it so wrong, did he accidently offend the people of Quebec or did he do so knowingly because he not care if it did cause he was trying to please so hard his hypocritical, Conservative rednecks of Alberta, who do emphasize now wrongfully now the letter of   the law over the  spirit of the law.. for now when there is an increase of  problem children, juvenile delinquents,  it is the parents firstly who have to take the majority of the blame and not the children. Surely the self professing Christian evangelical, Alliance church,  Conservative Prime Minister Stephen Harper knows this from his own personal Bible readings? (Prov  22:6 KJV)  Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

 

 

or is Stephen Harper now also, still just a pretender Christian now too not just a pretender poltician?

https://thefocusonthefamily.wordpress.com/2008/10/17/how-did-the-now-alberta-redneck-now-get-it-so-wrong/

http://witnessed.wordpress.com/2008/06/22/alberta-the-devils-belt/

http://postedat.wordpress.com/2008/06/27/how-many-rich-people-in-calgary-edmonton-alberta/

Undeniable

No  one will lie to God next in heaven

 not even alcoholics, drunkards, liars, pastors,

perverts, adulterers , sex maniacs, lesbians, gays..

 

 

(2 Pet 3:3 KJV)  Knowing this first, that there shall come in the last days

 scoffers, walking after their own lusts,

(2 Tim 3:1 KJV)  This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.

2  For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,
3  Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,
4  Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;
5  Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.
6  For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts,
7  Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.
8  Now as Jannes and Jambres withstood Moses, so do these also resist the truth: men of corrupt minds, reprobate concerning the faith.
9  But they shall proceed no further: for their folly shall be manifest unto all men, as theirs also was.
(Heb 1:2 KJV)  Hath in these last days spoken unto us by his Son,

whom he hath appointed heir of all things, by whom also he made the worlds;

(James 5:3 KJV)  Your gold and silver is cankered; and the rust of them shall be

a witness against you, and shall eat your flesh as it were fire.

Ye have heaped treasure together for the last days.

 

Leviticus 18:22, 24

22 You shall not lie with a male as one lies
with a female; it is an abomination.

24 Do not defile yourselves by any of these things;
for by all these the nations which I am casting out before you have become
defiled.

Romans 1:18-32

18 For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against
all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who suppress the truth in
unrighteousness,

19 because that which is known about God is evident within them; for God made
it evident to them.

20 For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal
power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what
has been made, so that they are without excuse.

21 For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or
give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their
foolish heart was darkened

22 ^{Professing to be wise, they became fools,}

23 and exchanged the glory of the incorruptible God for an image in
the form of corruptible man and of birds and four-footed animals and
crawling creatures.

24 Therefore God gave them over in the lusts of their hearts to
impurity, so that their bodies would be dishonored among them.

25 For they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and
worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator,
who is blessed forever. Amen.

26 For this reason God gave them over to degrading passions; for their women
exchanged the natural function for that which is unnatural,

27 and in the same way also the men abandoned the
natural function of the woman and burned in their desire toward one
another, men with men committing indecent acts and receiving in their own
persons the due penalty of their error.

28 And just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer, God gave
them over to a depraved mind, to do those things which are not proper,

29 being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed,
evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit,
malice; they are gossips,

30 slanderers, haters of God, insolent, arrogant,
boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents,

31 without understanding, untrustworthy, unloving,
unmerciful;

32 and although they know the ordinance of God,
that those who practice such things are worthy of death,
they not only do the same, but also give hearty
approval to those who practice them.

1 Corinthians 6:8-10

8 On the contrary, you yourselves wrong and defraud. You do this even to
your brethren.

9 Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not
inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators,
nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor
homosexuals,

10 nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor
revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God.

1 Thessalonians 4:2-8

2 For you know what commandments we gave you by the authority of the Lord
Jesus.

3 For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you
abstain from sexual immorality;

4 that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and
honor,

5 not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God;

6 and that no man transgress and defraud his brother
in the matter because the Lord is the avenger in all these things, just
as we also told you before and solemnly warned you.

7 For God has not called us for the purpose of impurity, but in
sanctification.

8 So, he who rejects this is not rejecting man but the
God who gives His Holy Spirit to you.

Romans 13:12-14

12 The night is almost gone, and the day is near Therefore let us lay aside
the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light.

13 Let us behave properly as in the day, not in carousing and
drunkenness, not in sexual promiscuity and sensuality, not in
strife and jealousy.

14 But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no
provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts.

Ephesians 5:5-8

5 For this you know with certainty, that no
immoral or impure person or covetous man, who is an
idolater, has an inheritance in the kingdom of Christ
and God.

6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these
things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of
disobedience.

7 Therefore do not be partakers with them;

8 for you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk
as children of Light.

 

Luke 21:34

34 Be on guard, so that your hearts will not be weighted down
with dissipation and drunkenness and the worries of life,
and that day will not come on you suddenly like a trap;

Galatians 5:16

16 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out
the desire of the flesh.

Romans 13:4

4 for it is a minister of God to you for good. But if you do what is evil,
be afraid; for it does not bear the sword for
nothing; for it is a minister of God, an avenger who
brings wrath on the one who practices evil

Merry Christmas

 

(Isa 9:6 KJV)  For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace. 7 Of the increase of his government and peace there shall be no end, upon the throne of David, and upon his kingdom, to order it, and to establish it with judgment and with justice from henceforth even for ever.

Why the high divorce rates?

 

 

In some parts of the country, cities the divorce rate is as high as 70 percent, and for those of you who wrongfully think it does not cause suffering, a lowering of one standard of living, serious health problems then do naively dream on.. take an ostrich approach.. but the alarm bells will keep you awake, sleepless at night too.. this now all sound extremist? but that is the reality.. People continue to do their own thing.. and I next still wonder why one of the most searched topic on my family site is how to deal with an abusive, or an alcoholic, or a control freak spouse.. an ounce of prevention is worth a ton of cure here too..  And why is there so many difficult maritial partners? http://postedat.wordpress.com/2010/09/26/marriage-problems-or-a-realtionship-problem/

 

Now I have been pastoring, even blogging on the net  since the advent of computers and I have written thousands of posts now too.. but what amazes me always still is that the most common  personal prayer requests is still firstly for a good soul mate – a great spouse, and next to get a good paying job followed by a prayer for healing from sickness.. and few people ask, pray what can I do for you Lord Jesus today? Why is that?  http://postedat.wordpress.com/2010/11/09/what-should-be-the-key-goal-in-ones-life-be/

 

Face it the single biggest cause of depression basically is your own doings and not just a bad marriage.. But don’t expect any marriage to make you happier over having a personal relationship with God still or the new or old marriage to be a false substitute for having a personal relationship with God. I have been recently counseling a person who desperately wants to be remarried, she has been twice married, but she is not interesting in following after God only after her own desires, lusts.. so no marriage for her will make her happy or replace God’s vacuum in her life still too. God has not promised you now even a right of remarriage.. but he promised you peace, joy and happiness and yes you can have that outside of marriage with Jesus..

http://jesussayscome.wordpress.com/2010/10/05/depression-is-a-big-personal-problem/

http://postedat.wordpress.com/2010/02/18/she-was-selfish-self-absorbed-self-centered/

http://postedat.wordpress.com/2010/09/26/marriage-problems-or-a-realtionship-problem/

http://jesussayscome.wordpress.com/2009/02/28/righteous-in-christ-alone/

http://thenonconformer.wordpress.com/2009/01/02/divorce-and-remarriage-in-the-christian-church/

 

Yes  the most common religious search question on the net on my site is not how can I serve now God better but rather can I marry a non Christian?  and people who are asking the question clearly do not read, they do not know their  Bible for the answer is always no! No you cannot marry a non Christian , nor can you have sex outside of valid marriage now as well, nor can Christians get divorced according to the Bible now too.. Like it or not that is still what God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, the Bible say.

               

 spousal relationships is the most important aspect?

The supposedly Important MARRIAGE  Intimacies? SELF CENTERED GOALS?

–  a bond of Spiritual Intimacy… but the FIRST all important relationship is not that  between a husband and wife but that one with  God!  Too often God is neglected and why is that? No excuses here are acceptable.

– Emotional Intimacy… the “heart to heart” connection the intimate couple CRAVED BY EMOTIONAL WOMEN?  and certainly not by men, many men tend to lie to women to make them feel good here..

– Intellectual Intimacy… SEEMS TO BY PASS ANY NEED FOR  LOVE.. Though we allow one another to be unique,  is it important that we share common core values? A truly intimate couple will often even think the same thing? or be led by the same evil spirit? REAL LOVE ACCEPTS A PERSON THE WAY THEY ARE EVEN WITH THE DIFFERENCES.

– Sexual Intimacy or Sexual compatibilty  IS VERY IMPORTANT  too? God has designed a very special physical relationship that draws a husband and wife closer than ever? or a lust that causes them to be tempted by others?  Sexual! This seems to be the biggest goal of may persons sadly. Sex still does not make you happy like Jesus does. Many people who have sex are still unhapy with each other, life too.

 

Most marriages that fail still do fail not due to marital intimacy failures but firstly fail  due to laziness, unrealistic expectations, pursuing bad or false values, extreme goals, self centeredness and ADULTERY..

   

Personal relationship with others should be the key goal in one’s life   or is there other more important priorities, goals in life that should be personally  followed? 

 

Adultery is a sin God punishes..

  

(Psa 50:18 KJV)  When thou sawest a thief, then thou consentedst with him, and hast been partaker with adulterers.

 

(Jer 9:2 KJV)  Oh that I had in the wilderness a lodging place of wayfaring men; that I might leave my people, and go from them! for they be all adulterers, an assembly of treacherous men.

 

(Jer 23:10 KJV)  For the land is full of adulterers; for because of swearing the land mourneth; the pleasant places of the wilderness are dried up, and their course is evil, and their force is not right.

 

(Hosea 7:4 KJV)  They are all adulterers, as an oven heated by the baker, who ceaseth from raising after he hath kneaded the dough, until it be leavened.

 

(Mal 3:5 KJV)  And I will come near to you to judgment; and I will be a swift witness against the sorcerers, and against the adulterers, and against false swearers, and against those that oppress the hireling in his wages, the widow, and the fatherless, and that turn aside the stranger from his right, and fear not me, saith the LORD of hosts.

 

(1 Cor 6:9 KJV)  Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,

 

(Heb 13:4 KJV)  Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

 

(James 4:4 KJV)  Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.

 

(Rev 3:12 KJV)  Him that overcometh will I make a pillar in the temple of my God, and he shall go no more out: and I will write upon him the name of my God, and the name of the city of my God, which is new Jerusalem, which cometh down out of heaven from my God: and I will write upon him my new name.

 

(Rev 14:7 KJV)  Saying with a loud voice, Fear God, and give glory to him; for the hour of his judgment is come: and worship him that made heaven, and earth, and the sea, and the fountains of waters.

 

(Rev 14:13 KJV)  And I heard a voice from heaven saying unto me, Write, Blessed are the dead which die in the Lord from henceforth: Yea, saith the Spirit, that they may rest from their labours; and their works do follow them.

 

(Rev 18:4 KJV)  And I heard another voice from heaven, saying, Come out of her, my people, that ye be not partakers of her sins, and that ye receive not of her plagues.

 

(Rev 18:5 KJV)  For her sins have reached unto heaven, and God hath remembered her iniquities.

 

(Rev 21:2 KJV)  And I John saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.

 

(Rev 1:7 KJV)  Behold, he cometh with clouds; and every eye shall see him, and they also which pierced him: and all kindreds of the earth shall wail because of him. Even so, Amen.

 

(Rev 2:23 KJV)  And I will kill her children with death; and all the churches shall know that I am he which searcheth the reins and hearts: and I will give unto every one of you according to your works.

 

(Rev 3:5 KJV)  He that overcometh, the same shall be clothed in white raiment; and I will not blot out his name out of the book of life, but I will confess his name before my Father, and before his angels.

 

(Rev 3:10 KJV)  Because thou hast kept the word of my patience, I also will keep thee from the hour of temptation, which shall come upon all the world, to try them that dwell upon the earth.

 

(Rev 6:17 KJV)  For the great day of his wrath is come; and who shall be able to stand?

 

(Rev 14:10 KJV)  The same shall drink of the wine of the wrath of God, which is poured out without mixture into the cup of his indignation; and he shall be tormented with fire and brimstone in the presence of the holy angels, and in the presence of the Lamb:

 

(Rev 15:4 KJV)  Who shall not fear thee, O Lord, and glorify thy name? for thou only art holy: for all nations shall come and worship before thee; for thy judgments are made manifest.

 

(Rev 18:7 KJV)  How much she hath glorified herself, and lived deliciously, so much torment and sorrow give her: for she saith in her heart, I sit a queen, and am no widow, and shall see no sorrow.

 

(Rev 18:8 KJV)  Therefore shall her plagues come in one day, death, and mourning, and famine; and she shall be utterly burned with fire: for strong is the Lord God who judgeth her.

 

(Rev 18:9 KJV)  And the kings of the earth, who have committed fornication and lived deliciously with her, shall bewail her, and lament for her, when they shall see the smoke of her burning,

 

(Rev 18:11 KJV)  And the merchants of the earth shall weep and mourn over her; for no man buyeth their merchandise any more:

 

(Rev 18:15 KJV)  The merchants of these things, which were made rich by her, shall stand afar off for the fear of her torment, weeping and wailing,

 

(Rev 18:23 KJV)  And the light of a candle shall shine no more at all in thee; and the voice of the bridegroom and of the bride shall be heard no more at all in thee: for thy merchants were the great men of the earth; for by thy sorceries were all nations deceived.

 

(Rev 20:10 KJV)  And the devil that deceived them was cast into the lake of fire and brimstone, where the beast and the false prophet are, and shall be tormented day and night for ever and ever.

 

(Rev 21:3 KJV)  And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God.

 

(Rev 21:4 KJV)  And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

 

(Rev 21:7 KJV)  He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son.

 

(Rev 21:8 KJV)  But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.

 

(Rev 21:27 KJV)  And there shall in no wise enter into it any thing that defileth, neither whatsoever worketh abomination, or maketh a lie: but they which are written in the Lamb’s book of life.

 

(Rev 22:3 KJV)  And there shall be no more curse: but the throne of God and of the Lamb shall be in it; and his servants shall serve him:

 

(Rev 22:4 KJV)  And they shall see his face; and his name shall be in their foreheads.

 

(Rev 22:5 KJV)  And there shall be no night there; and they need no candle, neither light of the sun; for the Lord God giveth them light: and they shall reign for ever and ever.

 

(Rev 22:12 KJV)  And, behold, I come quickly; and my reward is with me, to give every man according as his work shall be.

 

(Rev 22:18 KJV)  For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book:

 

(Rev 22:19 KJV)  And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book.

do see also http://pbulow.tripod.com/ 

 

                  

(2 Cor 6:14 KJV)  Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

 

(2 Cor 6:15 KJV)  And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?

 

(2 Cor 6:16 KJV)  And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.

 

(2 Cor 6:17 KJV)  Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you,

 

(2 Cor 6:18 KJV)  And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.

 

(2 Cor 7:1 KJV)  Having therefore these promises, dearly beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.

 

 

 

Generally these days it is the wife who wrongfully files for divorce,and  before that it used to be the men.  These days the too often dirty lawyers who make blood money from divorce, are wolves in sheep clothing now picturing them slves and  the spouse to the courts, as good persons, decent, honest, relaible, falsely claiming her now to be a totally good , honest person, and not another typical  liar too.

 

The lawyers who tend to be too often liars themselves they like to present the female spouse before the Queen’s courts, before the supposedly reputable judge, who in my witness, experiences actual too often is also now a liar, pretender himself, a person  who does not get off the bench cause he is too lazy to ascertain the truth of the facts being presented to him or her.

 

The lawyers like to present the wife as a decent, respected, good, moral person who now has provided faithfully  for her husband, she did not, does not abuse any them not even her bad  husband, she does not cheat, lie or steal now as well.

 

The still mostly  liars like to present her as an a good person, whereas more likely in reality  she also is another demon. In fact men and women tend to be equal sinners, before God and man. In fact the same spouse she likely has slandered, lied, committed adultery, even stole from her spouse and now she will keep on lying, perjuring herself hoping next to get a good alimony support from her spouse.

 

Many a person  when they see these people divorcing they really tend next not to recognize them and their behavior, for it clearly is different from what they had known before, were used too in fact.  

 

All of a sudden clearly new now  openly monsters here have arisen.  In reality  the wife is not the mostly   innocent, the sole injured party and the husband is not the sole bad guy, villain too.

 

All of these mostly immoral,  lying now people, pastors too often too, spouses, laywers, judges tend to first need decent, real, pastoral counseling themselves. http://thenonconformer.wordpress.com/2009/01/02/divorce-and-remarriage-in-the-christian-church/

 

  Christian Lies, Divorce And/or  Christian Divorce  Remarriage, (as well as adultery, fornication , Alcoholism, drugs, smoking, gays)  In the Christian Church are ALL still unacceptable. 

                     

https://thefocusonthefamily.wordpress.com/2008/11/23/biblical-divorce/

 http://postedat.wordpress.com/2010/09/26/marriage-problems-or-a-realtionship-problem/

 

  

In for an inch

 In for an inch often next leads in for a mile. But Alcohol firstly cause permanent personal brain damage, not just the unacceptable fact that Alcohol also now has has the HIGHEST intoxication of ALL consuming  drugs:” The fact is the drug alcohol has the HIGHEST intoxication of ALL drugs (much higher than say meth). That also makes Alcohol the most dangerous drug for both the user/abuser of it and those around the user/abuser of it. Alcohol most dangerous drug for drivers: Recent study. “Driving under the influence of marijuana has a 2X chance of death. Driving just over 0.08 on alcohol has a 40X chance of death. At 0.16 ( its an 80X chance of death according to the same report (I can’t even imagine at 3X what it would be like the well known drunk West Vancouver cop in a BC case). The fact is with the drug alcohol, you can loose the ability to decide if you can drive (i.e. 1st can’t drive, a few more beers, then can fly as all common sense is gone).  It is why the drug alcohol is involved in SO much violence in our society. It is also the biggest date rape drug of them all.” Sadly on top of all that same  people who now do  consume  Alcohol tend often also next  to consume other bad drugs as well, or vice versa. The cycle is continuous. There clearly is no such thing as a little bit pregnant, even the so called moderation next tends to lead to excess, addiction, harm for oneself and many others. As is being done with cigarettes, increasing the consumer costs of the available alcohol is one of the best ways to deal with it   to reduce it’s negative effect. But not the only way. Alcoholics and drug addicts too thus should be terminated from their jobs, and arrested, incarcerated  for any abuse of the laws of the province, country now next too.

 

Showing justice and compassion is rightfully prosecuting all of  the guilty alcohol and drug offenders. It’s also worrying that motorists are continuing to ignore the drink-drive message. ‘The anti-drinking and driving message has to be got across, not just at this time of year but at all times.’

More alcohol use is a concern for health-care professionals, since it means more deaths, illness, injuries and hospital visits, meaning added strain on the health-care system, and additional cost.

 

Paradoxically, despite all the dangers, warnings ,  most people continue to drink beyond safe levels on a weekly basis that is more than 14 units of alcohol for women and 21 units for men. At the heart of this strange contradiction is a false belief, best encapsulated by the former Prime Minister in his introduction to the first national alcohol strategy. In the document, Tony Blair assured readers that “alcohol misuse by a small minority” was responsible for the rising levels of social and health harm. In short, problem drinkers are “other people”, spoiling it for the rest of us. In reality this is not so.. Drinking alcohol  has become too common amongst too many people.

 

It’s also worrying that motorists are continuing to ignore the drink-drive message.

 

Nearly twice as many liquor stores, relatively cheap booze and a pricing system that effectively discounts drinks with more alcohol are contributing to a rise in hazardous drinking, says B.C.’s provincial health officer. The same is true in Alberta and other provinces. A 2003 study found that 79 per cent of youth in school reported drinking at least once by age 17, and 20 per cent of those reported binge drinking three or more days in the previous month. While booze prices have risen in recent years, they have not kept pace with other consumer goods, a trend likely to continue with more competition among stores. Kendall recommends that pricing should reflect alcohol content, with discounts for low-alcohol alternatives and a price premium for stronger drinks. Current pricing creates “clear price incentives for consumers to choose higher-strength alcohol products in all major beverage classes,” As of 2007, government liquor stores accounted for 39 per cent of B.C. sales, with private stores up to 33 per cent. Bars, clubs and restaurants served most of the remainder. B.C.’s biggest average booze consumption occurs in the Interior Health Authority region, which includes the Okanagan and Kootenay regions, at 11 litres of pure alcohol per person per year. Vancouver Island was second at 10.71 litres, and also had the largest increase, 15.2 per cent between 2002 and 2007. Northern Health region was third at 9.73 litres per person, followed by Vancouver Coastal at 8.61 and Fraser, the lowest at 7.03. The Central Coast region of Vancouver Coastal has the highest consumption in the province, 13.69 litres per person in 2007.

 

 A research report providing results from a survey of adult drinking in Northern Ireland has been published .

http://www.bclocalnews.com/bc_north/lakesdistrictnews/news/36589419.html

The survey, conducted on behalf of the Department of Health, Social Services and Public Safety, examines the amount people drink, when, where and what they drink and who they drink with.

 It also examines how drinking behaviours vary across different sections of the public, the proportion of people who binge drink, problem drinking, and perceptions of drinking.

Key Findings

The key findings relating to the Adult Drinking Patterns Survey in Northern Ireland 2008 are:

* More than seven in ten (72%) adults drink alcohol.

* A larger proportion of males (74%) than females (70%) drink alcohol.

* Most drinking occurs over the weekend and peaks on Saturdays.

* The most common drink consumed is wine (50%), closely followed by beer (48%).

* Most of those who drank in the week prior to the survey had consumed alcohol at home (64%), and nearly one quarter (24%) had consumed alcohol in a pub.

* More than four in five (81%) respondents had exceeded the recommended daily limits during the week prior to the survey.

* Approximately four in five males (79%) and females (83%) exceed their recommended daily limits during the week prior to the survey.

* Nearly one quarter (24%) of respondents drank above the weekly sensible levels.

* Over one quarter (26%) of male respondents and over one fifth (22%) of female respondents drank above the weekly sensible levels in the week prior to the survey.

* Nearly a third (32%) of those who drank in the week before the survey had engaged in at least one binge drinking session.

* Males (35%) were more likely than females (29%) to binge drink.

* Over half (54%) of drinkers aged 18-29 years engaged in at least one binge drinking session in the week prior to the survey, and they are more likely to binge drink than respondents in the older groups.

* One in 10 respondents (10%) of those who drank in the week prior to the survey are highly likely to have a problem with alcohol, according to the CAGE analysis.

* Over half (56%) of those who consumed alcohol in the week prior to the survey considered themselves to be light drinkers, two in five (40%) considered themselves to be moderate drinkers and 4% considered themselves to be heavy drinkers.

Comparisons between 2005 and 2008 are:

* The proportion of adults who drank above the weekly sensible levels in the week prior to the survey significantly decreased from 29% in 2005 to 24% in 2008.

* The proportion of adults who engaged in at least one binge drinking session in the week prior to the survey significantly decreased from 38% in 2005 to 32% in 2008.

 

 

 http://www.emaxhealth.com/2/63/27943/northern-ireland-reports-adult-drinking-patterns.html

 

 

Attitudes To Alcohol Must Change. A health Minister  has called for a change in attitudes towards alcohol by both the public and the drinks industry all year now too. Statistics which show an increase of in the number of people   binge drinking, getting drunk  and that the statistics also show that we still have a long way to deal with this major problem. 81% of people who choose to drink are still exceeding the recommended daily limits. The cost of alcohol misuse to our society is very real. In just over 10 years, there has been a startling 86% increase in the numbers of people dying due to alcohol related harm. “Now, more than ever, we should all be working together to really tackle this issue head on and I believe the drinks industry has a key role to play. Supermarkets in particular sell alcohol far too cheaply. I am extremely disappointed that despite having met with each of the major supermarkets, and received their personal assurances that they take this matter extremely seriously, those words have not as yet translated into meaningful action. “On the contrary, they are flooded with festive drinks promotions that will only encourage people to indulge further in binge drinking. This, in my view, is totally unacceptable.   Action speaks louder than words. On this occasion, profit is being put before public health.”  “The harsh reality is that although alcohol misuse is known to be damaging and harmful to health and well-being, many people still drink to excess. This must change, and in this respect we all have a collective responsibility in tackling this issue – individuals, society, government and the drinks industry alike.”    http://www.emaxhealth.com/2/63/27952/attitudes-alcohol-must-change.html

 

People are drinking more alcohol in many societies than ever before. In the UK, Ireland, Denmark, and increasingly Australia, young people drink more alcohol than those in the USA, France, and other Mediterranean countries. The way in which adolescents drink in different countries also varies. Frequency of drinking, regular drunkenness, binge drinking, and being drunk before the age of 13 years, are all indicators of an unhealthy pattern of alcohol misuse that is becoming more common. So, for example, 27% of UK 15-year-olds admit to drinking at least five drinks in a row in the past 30 days compared with 22% in 1995; in girls, as many as 29% binge drink. In the USA, 19% of 15-year-olds binge drink. Accidental death, self-harm, suicide, injury, violent behaviour, unprotected sex, alcohol dependence, and liver disease can all result. Nearly half of the alcohol drunk by these young people comes from the family home. Supermarkets, local shops, off-licences, pubs, and clubs provide the rest.  http://madhavgopalkrish.wordpress.com/2008/03/22/more-young-people-drink-more/?referer=sphere_related_content/

 

Reality too many of the binge drinkers., if not already are likely to become hard core alcoholics.

do see also 

 http://thenonconformer.wordpress.com/2008/12/22/cops-lie-too/ http://thenonconformer.wordpress.com/2008/12/17/where-there-is-alcohol/

 

 

“There’s 60 different ways in which alcohol can c ause premature death and illness,”

 

 

Paradoxically, despite all the dangers, warnings ,  most people continue to drink beyond safe levels on a weekly basis that is more than 14 units of alcohol for women and 21 units for men. At the heart of this strange contradiction is a false belief, best encapsulated by the former Prime Minister in his introduction to the first national alcohol strategy. In the document, Tony Blair assured readers that “alcohol misuse by a small minority” was responsible for the rising levels of social and health harm. In short, problem drinkers are “other people”, spoiling it for the rest of us. In reality this is not so.. Drinking alcohol  has become too common amongst too many people.

 

It’s also worrying that motorists are continuing to ignore the drink-drive message.

 

“Make a choice and stick to it – drink or drive. “Don’t drink and drive,”  If you drive at twice the legal alcohol limit you are at least 30 times more likely to cause a road crash than a driver who hasn’t been drinking. If you plan to drive the only safe option is not to drink. Drivers’ reaction times and motoring skills deteriorate after even a small amount of alcohol – and get worse with increased alcohol consumption. If you are convicted for a drink-driving offence you will have a criminal record, lose your licence for a minimum of one year, may go to prison for up to six months, may have to pay a significant fine  and you may have difficulty hiring a car within 10 years of your conviction. If you are convicted of causing death by careless driving while under the influence of drink you face up to 14 years in prison, an unlimited fine and a minimum two-year driving ban. Other consequences include:
-facing exceptionally high insurance costs once you get your licence back.
-loss of a job (15 per cent of those convicted do), legal expenses and loss of personal transport and increased travel expenses.
-living with the knowledge that your irresponsibility has caused death, injury or severe distress to innocent people.

 

 see also https://thefocusonthefamily.wordpress.com/2008/11/15/more-booze-taxes-lower-alcohol-linked-deaths/

Welcome to Venus Magazine!

Redeemed! 10 Ways to Get Out of the Gay Life, If You Want Out

     Over the past 29 years of my life I have been an aggressive, creative and strategic supporter of gay and lesbian issues.  I’ve organized and participated in countless marches and various lobbying efforts in the fight for equal treatment of gay men and lesbians.  I have kept current on the issues and made financial contributions to those organizations doing work about which I was most passionate.

     As the publisher of a 13 year old periodical which targets Black gays and lesbians, I have had the opportunity to publicly address thousands, influencing closeted people to ‘come out’ and stand up for them selves, which is particularly difficult in the African-American community.   

     But now, I must come out of the closet again.  I have recently experienced the power of change that came over me once I completely surrendered to the teachings of Jesus Christ.  As a believer of the word of God, I fully accept and have always known that same-sex  relationships are not what God intended for us.

     I don’t expect that this message will be widely received,  quite the contrary.  But, I do know that there is someone, possibly reading this very article, who is tired and unhappy living this way.  Someone, in your heart of hearts, is searching for a way out, but you just can’t seem to break free on your own.  I am speaking to my gay and lesbian brothers and sisters who want real peace; the kind you’ve heard about, sung about, read about.   It is simpler than you think to acquire it and there is no condemnation once you’ve entered it.    

     Although I have lived as a lesbian for my entire adult life, it is without a doubt my soul’s purpose to use my gifts to LOVINGLY share the truth about how we got here: how we came to be gay or lesbian, how we came to enjoy our ‘lifestyle’ and how we came to believe that this was OK with God.  [Romans 1:21-28]

     Many argue that each individual should determine for themselves what God intends for him or her. This would indicate that we each have a separate set of biblical rules to live by.  This is untrue.  If you are ready for change and willing to open yourself to the truth, God’s love can bring your current belief system in line with His Word.  Jesus will cleanse and forgive all confessed sin from a willing heart.  Homosexuality is only one of them.  It is no greater sin than any of the others, but it is sin. 

     By now you’re asking, ‘Has she lost her mind? My answer is NO.  I didn’t lose it, I gave it away!  In fact, I traded it in for a new one!  [Romans 12:1-2]

ONE TUESDAY MORNING

I was minding my own business one fine New Jersey morning when I received a call from a local pastor, the Rev. Vanessia M. Livingston.  I had never spoken to her previously.  She was calling to add a statement to an article about her gospel group in another paper we own called the Kitchen Table News. 

I don’t remember how we got on the subject of salvation but she could not have known how much I had been struggling with trying to reckon my spiritual upbringing with my lesbian lifestyle. 

     My stiff-necked resistance to the truth arose in me as she ministered.  I honestly figured that if I simply mentioned the ‘L’ word that she’d drop the phone, anoint it with oil and that would be the last I’d hear from her.  But that’s not what happened.  The pastor prophetically confirmed what I’ve known for years, ‘one day you will come out of the world and bring many gay and lesbian souls out with you.’  She asked if today was the day that I would choose but I said no.  I felt the power of conviction upon me as she spoke but I resisted and hardened my heart against the truth as I had done many times before.  I was not willing to hear her or give up my all to God, especially knowing that I had a confirmed speaking engagement scheduled the following week at the Schomberg Center during New York City Gay Pride. 

HAVE MERCY

As I blurted out that I was a proud card-carrying lesbian, the pastor reminded me that God’s mercy allowed me to survive my experiences as He developed my gifts, all as a part of His plan to lead others to Him, others who will not perhaps hear her or other ministers who have not LIVED this experience.

     She could not have had a clue about my encounters with the mercies of God.  Mercy had indeed covered me during those dark 1993 days when my good friend Venus Landin, for whom this magazine is named, was shot and killed.  I recalled how I went with her to her ex-lover’s home to recover her things, how the woman had built a fire using Venus’ precious journals as fuel, how she burned her clothes and how the flames and debris had fallen out of the fireplace’s box and were ablaze along the carpet.

      I remembered the look on the woman’s face and in her eyes.  I know in my heart that she had intended to murder Venus that night but she did not expect me to arrive with her.  There, I stood at the very gates of hell.  Given her state of mind, there was no reason for the woman not to have killed us both, then turn the gun on herself as she did Venus a week later.  When I received the call that they were both found dead, I knew instantly that mercy had covered me, but why?  

I YIELD

The spirit of God spoke directly into my soul and said you will choose this day who you will serve and if you make the wrong choice, I will allow you to drift so far away from me that you will never hear my voice again.

     I gave God my heart and soul in the parking lot of the mall, right there in my car.  A river of tears flowed as Jesus washed me and forgave me and redeemed me for His work.  I intend be just as ‘out’ about my transformation as I was about my lesbian life.  I have given every gift I have back to God, including VENUS Magazine.  The target audience will remain the same but the mission has been renewed.  Our new mission is to encourage, educate and assist those in the life who want change but can’t find a way out.  My brother, my sister, please follow me out of this.

1. Establish and accept for yourself that God’s Word is true AS-IS.  Do not allow gay theology to divorce the Old testament from the New or the written words of the Apostles from the spoken words of Jesus Christ.  This is a good trick, but its no longer working because God is preparing to bring millions of gays and lesbians back to His feet.  He has already chosen many of us for this specific purpose and He is waiting for YOU to accept His call.

2. Seek the truth within the scriptures about homosexuality and it will be revealed to you as you read and pray.  Know that we were NOT born this way.  This myth was fashioned by the gay establishment as a basis for changing laws in favor of gay rights.  Again it works for their purposes, but it is biblically UNTRUE.   There is no way that anyone, without an agenda, can come away from the bible with an endorsement by God of the gay lifestyle.  Gay theology starts with an agenda [‘Let’s make the bible say gay is O.K.’] in order to arrive at its conclusions, but it is a lie.

3. Do not resist God’s call on your life.  Get alone with God and let Him minister the truth directly to you. That conviction you feel is a gift to keep you near the cross.  If you keep resisting Him and hardening your heart, He will eventually stop calling you. You can then have a great time fulfilling all the fantasies of the flesh without feeling a thing, but what awaits you at the end of such a life? [Romans 2:28]

4. Know with certainty that you are loved by God exactly where you are and that your experiences are of great value for kingdom work.  I had BEEN tired, but the enemy kept my mind trapped for years by convincing me that I could not be of any real use to God having lived as an openly gay publisher, but that was a lie.

 5. Say Yes.  That’s really all it takes to accept the truth which is accepting Jesus Christ.  Pray this prayer of repentance with me now.  “Lord, I’m coming to you because I believe your Word and I need your help.  I can’t change myself, I’ve tried.  Please forgive me for every thing I’ve done that did not glorify you.  I believe that you ARE the Word, I believe that Jesus IS your son, I believe that He DIED for my sins, and BECAUSE I believe this, I AM NOW SAVED BY YOUR GRACE.  Thank you for saving me!  Amen.”

6. Make your salvation real.  Keeping the good news of your personal salvation a secret is another trick the enemy uses to buy time as he tries to pull you back to your former life.  We must believe with our hearts AND confess with our mouths. You don’t need to ‘out’ yourself but clobber the enemy by immediately sharing your testimony with SOMEONE about how the Lord has revealed the truth directly to you; about the level of joy and peace you now have which you could not reach without full repentance; about the welcomed change this brings in your life, and all the wonderful things He has done for you.  [Romans 10:9]

7. Experience paradise NOW!  Consult God first, then go ahead and live your life!  Welcome new friendships, start that new venture, expand your experiences, obtain nice things, just don’t put them before God.   Enjoy your life to a new degree, without the burden of sin AND with the confidence of ALL of God’s promises on your side!  It is totally possible to live for God in this present age and enjoy yourself immensely.  When I say live for God I mean totally ‘sold out’ for God.  But you cannot be ‘sold out’ for God and live a gay/lesbian lifestyle at the same time.   [Titus 2:11-12]      

     It’s possible to have a BETTER time than you did in the clubs, in the parks, BETTER than all those secret encounters with folks whose names you’ve long forgotten,  BETTER than your long-term relationship, BETTER than all your priceless possessions, BETTER than money!  Most of us have experienced some of this AND WE WERE STILL MISERABLE.   But thanks to God’s mercy and saving grace we don’t have to wait years and years to get to heaven to experience paradise.  The earth is the Lord’s, the fullness thereof, the world, and they that dwell therein.   Enjoy God’s earth, now.  [Psalms 24:1]

8. Walk Carefully or ‘circumspectly’ as the scriptures describe.  This is about being careful to keep your spirit clean and fresh.  Prayer, along with reading and hearing the Word AND seeking ways to apply it to your daily life is the way to STAY saved and delivered from any sinful habit. 

     Isn’t it interesting that we sometimes give our garments of clothing more care than we give our very souls.  When we put on an outfit, we’re so careful not to lean against anything that might soil it.  We protect it while we’re eating so as not to get a spot on it.  We sit in such a way to prevent it from wrinkling.  Treat your soul’s salvation with at least this much care.  [Ephesians 5:15-16]

9. Have fellowship with believers.    We know that the church has largely failed gays and lesbians by not being a welcoming place for those who have sought spiritual change.  The invitation to ‘come as you are’ seems to be extended to everyone but us.  However God has people everywhere who are open, real and willing to walk out with you.  Ask the Lord to lead you to a loving, caring, bible-believing fellowship where you can be nurtured, be blessed, grow AND be a blessing.  [Hebrews 10:25] 

10. Stay in touch.  We’d love to hear from you!  If this article has helped you, please let us know.  Also, if you’d like to share YOUR testimony with VENUS readers, email us at editor@venusmagazine.org or write The EVIDENCE Ministry, Inc., P. O. Box 353378, Palm Coast, FL 32135.  Include your day and evening number.

 

http://www.venusmagazine.org/cover_story.html

by Charlene E. Cothran, Venus Magazine Publisher, October 2006